On the search for SENSUALITY

Sensuality is the enjoyment, expression or pursuit of physical (especially sexual) pleasure. When I think of the word sensuality, I imagine things that are pleasing to the senses...satin sheets, beautiful fragrances, warm, soft knits, flickering candles, sumptuous meals, exquisite lingerie, intimate moments.

Unfortunately, I have a very hard time relating the word sensuality to myself. I’m not exactly sure why, but there is a definite disconnect between how I think of myself and sensual.

Wow. This month just keeps pulling out all the stuff! I didn’t realize how much there is in my life that I'd like to refine:-)
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I’ve never felt particularly sensual. In addition, while I’m comfortable with my own sexuality, I rarely feel sexy. For a long time I didn’t really pay much attention to these missing elements in my life. I didn’t view sensuality and sexiness as something I could attain. Therefore, I dismissed them.


Looking back, I definitely felt sexiest and most sensual while I was pregnant. I’m not sure if that’s due to the fact that my body, usually straight and angular, was full and curvy or if it was the incredible empowerment that comes with creating life, but I felt vital and in touch with my sensuality like never before.


When my children were small, I struggled with where Mommy stopped and where Kristen began. It was difficult to turn off the parenting and tap into my sensual side...especially when it didn’t seem obvious to me that I had one.


At different times in my past, I've tried to identify my issues surrounding feeling sexy and owning my own sensuality.

The problem always comes down to a lot of mind noise. Internal feedback about body type, breast size, fitness level, beauty, age...this list is long.

And a bit ridiculous.

I’ve personally known women of all sizes and ages who exude a very definite sensuality. Their appeal is felt by all who come in contact with them. They give off a definite sensual vibe. It’s natural and compelling.

I want that for myself.

Internally and externally. I realize that I need to move away from the voice in my head (in so many ways).

I refuse to believe that it’s too late for me to feel sensual.
Or sexy.

It’s time for a sensuality shift.  

I’m hoping it’s possible to cultivate a sense of self-love that boosts sensuality as a side effect.

I have several women in my life who possess the quality I’m seeking. I’m hoping they’ll be willing to share the essence of their sensuality and sexiness with me...and that their stories will inspire me to make some internal adjustments.

Externally, I’m positive there are measures I could take that would make my surroundings more sensual.

Here’s where I’m starting...

I’ve begun to actually light the scented candles I’ve been hoarding for years. I work at Anthropologie for goodness sake...I always have access to incredible candles.

I plan to buy some rich body lotion, decant it into a beautiful dispenser...and then use it.

Our home needs a little sensuality upgrade. Again, Anthropologie has a huge selection of linens, blankets, pillows and towels that look and feel incredible. I need to explore my options and invest in a few items that will up the sensuality factor in our home.

I’m currently working on improving the sounds that surround me. My music library has needed an infusion of great music for too long. The time has come to tune into songs that improve the quality of my life.

Undergarments...this drawer needs some attention. For too long, I've ignored the importance of building a beautiful wardrobe from the foundation out.


Thankfully, there are some areas of my life that already feel sensual...

I’m pretty good with mood lighting (candlelight for dinner, every night) and delicious, beautifully prepared meals (Thank you, Matthew).  



I could really use your help. If you have tips on feeling more sensual or sexy...please don’t hesitate to share.

Shy about commenting below?
​Email me privately at kristen@togetheract.com  

I welcome your suggestions and insight.

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Thank you for being here.
xo Kristen